CENSORED

A Short Discourse on Climbing and Sex

Food for thought!....

There are many similarities between climbing and sex. It's a natural urge, is rarely a foregone conclusion, and you can end up pumped, but on a high. Egos are at stake, and the consequences of a mistake can be utterly disastrous. People spend a lot of money gearing up for it, in the hope that it will improve their chances of success, and many read magazines about it in the toilet! If climbing is like sex, then going to a climbing wall is like having a wank. OK but not the real thing, and it shouldn’t become a habit, (although many claim to do it just to improve their technique and stamina.) Or maybe that’s boulderers!

Mountain guides and instructors are, of course, prostitutes. We do it for pleasure, they do it for money. So why do some of them think they are a cut above the rest of us? Artificial protection has now been generally accepted by the Catholic church, but people called Martin still disapprove.

Some climbers, usually the ones who like steady girl or boyfriends, prefer familiarity, and tend to go back to the same routes, where they know they can get a result. Others like a bit of strange. A few, usually the less choosy, prefer "loose and dirty" possibly because, (conversely) the looser and dirtier, the less people will have been up it.

Cleaning a route could be considered like undressing a virgin, except that with a real woman (or man), you have a fair idea what its going to look like. With a heavily vegetated route, each hold, ledge or groove revealed is a revelation, and may prove the key to the eagerly anticipated deflowering. And.... You can get your name in a book, as being the first to do it, (without incurring the life long enmity of the other party).